I think I’m ready to come back to this.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I took some time off from writing. I took some time off from the internet as a whole. I’ve been relatively quiet.
I wanted to take some time to focus on my career – and I did. It’s been a big year for me, and I’m glad that I did.
I also needed to do some self-care by being away from the internet. I didn’t abandon you all completely, but every time I opened my phone I couldn’t get into it, and the beer world around me was changing – and not for the better. It was changing me, and not for the better. I needed to step away.
I was letting my own insecurity destroy me. As I saw the rise in other bloggers and social media influencers, instead of being happy for everyone, I was jealous that I couldn’t get it right. That I couldn’t master how to get a billion followers. Too focused on the numbers and losing sight of what truly mattered. I was frustrated and jealous that I didn’t have the skills, time, or money to travel as much as others, not having an ‘aesthetic’ on Insta, not taking and posing amazing pictures, and didn’t feel devoted the way everyone else seems to be. I was hating people I don’t even know because I was so jealous that they got to do this while I worked my day job. I let my own issues bring me down, instead of just doing what I’ve been doing all this time.
I left because I didn’t think you needed me. There are plenty of blogs, websites, and social media accounts to give you plenty of content – most of which are doing it better than I. Why does my opinion matter in this sea of so many? What’s the point?
I needed time to reflect on this – this culture that we have all created. To think about it all in terms of myself. Why did I start blogging in the first place? It wasn’t for attention, it wasn’t for money, and it definitely wasn’t for numbers. It was for nothing more than to tell people about the delicious beers I was drinking and the cool places I found.
Then, let’s get back to that, self, but only when you’re ready.
So, I waited. And I thought about it. And then I waited again. I didn’t want to feel those unnecessary pressures that I created for myself. I didn’t want to feel weird inadequacies that we all start to feel when we spend too much time on social media. I don’t want my content to look marketed and paid for and contain all the right buzzwords and clickbait headlines to draw you in. I didn’t want to write without purpose just to have content to ‘keep the site alive’. I don’t want our social media to feel fake or forced or cheap. We’re not a business, we’re barely an entity – we’re just women who like craft beer. No one is paying us to say these or any things. And, I like it that way.
I just want it to feel right. I want to write when I want to write. I didn’t write because I didn’t have anything to say.
I just want to be me. And to do that, I had to take some time off to really know what that even looked like. But, I think now, in what looks like a sea of negativity, it might be time for this ray of sunshine to return. I was wrong, so wrong. You DO need me, now more than ever. And because of that…
Yep, I’m ready.